His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
