fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
