yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think im going to throw up on grandma
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
