I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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