How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
