i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
