I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i dont even know how to be here
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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