My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
