first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
