Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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