first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
