I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We left an ass print on the piano.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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