if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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