Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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