I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
