Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
