mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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