Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
from now on my penis is your penis
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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