Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
