Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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