bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
