I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
