last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
