"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
