Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
