I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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