I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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