I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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