I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
