it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
