:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sorry about my life...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
