i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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