If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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