Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
