I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
