the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
