I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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