I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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