How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
