Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
