you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
