a search helicopter?!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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