let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
