She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
