Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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