Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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