Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
