My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
