Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
