I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
